Major Anxiety

I’m sitting here in my house dreading the fact that I have to leave to go to work.  AS you’ve heard already we’re in a global pandemic with the virus COVID-19 Coronavirus. As an EMT, on the front lines, the sight of death is everywhere. I thought dealing with people on their worst days, before this pandemic, weighed heavy on the soul but, now its like the weight of the world is on our backs.  Will I be infected by just doing my job? Will I bring the virus home to my family, even if I don’t show any symptoms myself.  New York City is being hit the hardest right now but, that doesn’t mean that the rest of the country won’t see the devastation we’re going through.  I just hope we can get through this with minimal casualties.

Stay Safe,


F**k Motivation and the Ship It Came In On

MOTIVATION…The silent killer.  We all know what it is. We all need it to be successful. Without it, we starve, go broke, let our dreams slip away – whatever those may be. We know what we need for it to work. We usually know what motivates us but, it likes to slip away when we least expect it. you really don’t have to do much for it to leave you. Just wake up one morning and poof, what motivated you yesterday is gone today. Do we get too confident at our daily routine – “I got this.”? What drives us to achieve our goals one day can easily change the next. Me personally, I know what goals I have – have a nice, large sustainable income, get a nice house with a pool, drive a nice car (already do). Yet, what motivates me to obtain those goals one day is different sometimes month to month, week to week, even Day to day. Motivation moves in peaks and valleys for me on something like a spinning wheel.

There are haters everywhere! Their one job in life is to kill your motivation. Hi hater, bye hater. Once I realize the hater is lurking in my life, I try, any way possible, to avoid them like the plague. I only want positive energy around me. I am always happy for people when something good happens to them in their lives – congrats man, glad to hear that, that’s great, I hope everything works out for you – is usually my response. Now flip it for a sec. Responses I usually get for my activities – that doesn’t pay enough, why waste your time, that’s a really hard industry to do well in, do it this way not that way – to myself I’m like shut the fuck up already. But, I realize that no matter what, there will be more people that hate than show support. You have to already know that going in anytime you engage in a conversation with someone who you thought might be supportive.

So, I’ve been doing background (BG) acting on my days off from being an EMT and a few weeks back I read a post, by a casting director, on Facebook that really discouraged me. Basically, the post was about what types of acting work should be on a resume when submitting for a speaking role.  She goes on to say – rants on – about how there should be no background work listed on your resume when submitting to a casting director. That background work isn’t really acting and really doesn’t show off your skills. Right off the bat I thought to myself – This fat ugly bitch has probably never been cast in anything before and really represents the idea of people who can’t act, teach, or cast. – but I didn’t respond like that at all. I responded saying, “Wow, that was really insightful, thanks.” You still have to play the game and feed into their egos. But, did she really need to shit on the people who, if they didn’t exist, would make watching a tv show like staring at a cardboard box for an hour, C’mon. Honestly, take BG out of a show and see how interesting it is to watch. I can speak for myself, saying that doing background, I’ve worked directly with 1st and 2nd ADs and have personally taken “acting” direction from them. Direction that if I didn’t “act” the way they wanted me to, I would have been replaced. What really made me feel better is after that I went to The Actors Expo in Manhattan and sat in on a small seminar with an Emmy Award winning casting director and his advice was, “If you’ve done it, I want to know about it.” This made me feel a lot better about my side gig. So, I went home and put every BG job I ever did on a resume’ and sent it out to every casting director I could. Let’s see who was right.

Bottom line is you need to stay focused and do what makes you happy no matter what anyone around you thinks. No matter how close you are to them – they aren’t you.  They don’t feel what you feel.  Their purpose in life is different than your purpose. Their existence is not your existence.  Always remember to stay true to yourself and who YOU are.  Never change because some hater spits jealously or negative energy your way.

Positive energy towards all.


The Moment Before He Died…

I met a young man the other day the moment before he died.  With my job I come across a lot of dead people.  As an EMT, it is our job to call a time of death for people we get called to with obvious signs of death.  Obviously, when we get called to a cardiac arrest and the patient is workable we do what we need to, to try and bring the person back to life.  But, the other day was just strange.  I’ve never met someone the moment before they passed away.  He was having shortness of breath – gave him some oxygen and he said it made him feel better while we transported him to the nearest hospital.  I have to add that this person had a terminal illness, but wasn’t given a time and wasn’t considered a hospice patient.  We were talking and his family was with us, holding his hand for the ride.  Upon arriving at the hospital, I transferred care to them, made him comfortable in his hospital bed and told him and his family that I hoped he feels better.

I used the restroom, said a few hello’s to some colleagues and proceeded to finish my report outside in my bus.  It wasn’t more than maybe 10 minutes being at the hospital did I see the family come outside crying and making phone calls.  I looked at my partner and said, “No way, I think he died. But, he was just talking to us.  Let’s go check it out.”  We went back in to the ER and sure enough the man we just brought in had passed away.  We were shocked as the family cried by his bedside.  I couldn’t believe the man who we just brought in, who was talking to us, was no longer of this world.  I almost wished to myself that I could have given him a message to tell whoever was on the other side, to somehow show us that we’ll meet our loved ones again.  But, it’s understandable that he had a DNR.  No one wants to live with or have their loved ones live with the bodily pain of a terminal illness by prolonging the unfortunate pain before the inevitability of everlasting peace.

What’s the point of all this?  Well the feeling I had from it was to cherish every moment you have with your loved ones for at any moment, regardless of your health, could be the last one you have with them.  How would you want to part with them, on positive or negative terms?  Just be conscious about the interactions you have with them.

Positive thoughts and energy towards all…


My Son Loves the Solar System

Everyone who lives in the digital age knows what YouTube is, but did you know that it could teach your toddler more than any work you could put in with them.  I always said that I would not be the type of parent that would allow my son to be glued to some kind of screen for hours on end.  That was until I realized that my boy knows more about the solar system than I ever learned about in school.

The first line of the song goes, “There are 8 planets in the solar system, they revolve around the sun.  Join us to learn about the planets, sing along and have some fun.”  First of all, last time I learned about our solar system, there were 9 planets – not anymore.  Don’t worry, Pluto didn’t go rogue and isn’t heading towards us to collide and cause world ending catastrophe.  Pluto, apparently was downgraded to a dwarf planet once another dwarf planet was discovered some years back that turned out to be bigger than Pluto.  I only know about this because my son educated me on this, yes my 3 year old.

In addition to learning about the solar system, Mason has also learned about the body, its functions, different emotions, and our 5 senses to name a few.  Yes, he is enrolled in a school that has kept him advanced since 18 months and taught him how to learn but, I feel like with his favorite YouTube channels on demand, the sky is the limit.

If you’re interested in having your child learn from some of these videos, you can search for them with the keywords: kids planet song, storybots, kids emotions, abc song, and numbers song.

I personally couple this learning with reading to him educational books about these topics.  Kids respond well to musical learning as well as parental interaction.  By no means should these screens take over the duties of parenting but rather be combined to the best possible, educational, outcome.


Let’s see how this goes…

I’m starting this blog to build up my writing skills and maybe inform some people at the same time.  We are living in a world that is ever changing, and evolving, in a way that not everyone can agree on. Is it moving in the right direction, wrong direction?  Are we in a stalemate? Trump, isolationism, globalism, trade, peace, human rights, economy, and  the list goes on.

Even though politics is a big interest of mine.  I will be writing about other topics as well. I am a NYC 911 EMT by trade at the moment and everyday I see and hear about interesting things that no normal person would be exposed to or be able to handle on a daily basis.  While some interactions are inspiring, many are flat out sad.  Sad situations that people are in.  Some by their own doing and others by simply being born into it.  Much that happens in our lives are cyclical.  I find that one of the hardest tasks in life is to break the cycles we live by.   I believe this can only be done by someone who enters your life with a new perspective on life, that you can trust.

I will touch on parenting.  By far the most nerve-racking I can think of.  Not a minute goes by on a daily basis that my 3 year old son is on my mind.  I’m sure there will be many adventures I’ll be able to write about that other parents will be able to relate to.  He’s a natural born Tasmanian Devil crossed with a kangaroo crossed with a heat seeking missile.  Yeah, he’s all over the place.

With that said, hopefully, this blog will be a good read for everyone who stumbles upon it.  Please send me topics you would like me to research and write about, and I will do my best to get it done.

Happy thoughts and positive energy towards all.